imagefiercen replied to your post: fiercen replied to your post: sorry ive just had…

i disagree with you, i don’t feel safe around straight people, heteroromantic asexuals are straight, and i don’t want them in spaces or part of a community where i’m meant to feel safe in

i’m sorry you feel that way (and i’m not saying you’re wrong, this is just my opinion) but i don’t consider anyone asexual as straight. a while back a news site that i can’t remember (i think it was in england?) posted a story about an asexual couple. it was a male/female couple but they both didn’t have sex and were fine with that and were still a couple. yet they were both harassed in the comments section simply because they didn’t have an interest in sex. the girl was called all sorts of things from “frigid” to “dyke” and the guy was called a “fag” and they got all these slurs thrown at them. some dude even wrote a really scathing review of the article on his blog saying how it’s bullshit that they are a couple but not interested in sex and that’s wrong and the guy is a pussy and all these things.

i understand the fact that being heteroromantic is an aspect of being straight, but being asexual is not.

i’m an aromantic asexual and i don’t know if that’s queer enough to be queer but i still don’t consider myself straight because i’ve had to pretend i give a fuck about sex and being sexually attracted to others my whole life and i’ve felt completely broken and like there was something wrong with me when all my friends had crushes on boys and i just didn’t care. and when people asked me which movie stars i had a crush on and i had no answer. or when i got asked out by really nice people and couldn’t come up with a good enough reason for why i didn’t want to date the because i didn’t know what the reason was other than the fact that i didn’t and i knew there was something wrong with me. and the fact that i put myself in an awful situation and was taken advantage of by a guy because i just wanted to be like everyone else and i wanted to stop feeling like there was something wrong with me.

and every time i hear my mother talking about how much she wants grandkids and every time my grandmother says i’ll never find true happiness until i find someone to love i die a little inside. my parents are so liberal i’m sure they’d love if i had a girlfriend or whatever they just want me to find someone but i’m not going to and even though i know coming out to them wouldn’t mean they’d be disappointed in me, i still feel every day like i’m disappointing them and it stops me from ever wanting to say anything about it.

the importance placed on sex in our culture is HUGE and when you’re a person in a world like that who isn’t interested personally in having it and isn’t interested in others sexually you can’t help but feel like you’re broken.

finding out i wasn’t alone was a godsend and it helped get me out of that situation i had with that guy (because i could finally give him a reason and i finally could confront myself and know it was okay and i didn’t have to be touched or turned on by others it was alright… though there was backlash from him but he can go fuck himself) and i finally found a community of people who understand. and i finally stopped feeling broken for the first time in my life.

obviously my struggles were mostly internal battles. they were psychological things i dealt with every day. unfortunately, many queers have to deal with not only the psychological struggle but a societal/cultural struggle and that is why i can only say i understand what it’s like to be queer from the standpoint of an asexual person, not from anyone else’s viewpoint. regardless, all queers face struggles and i want to feel safe in a community that’s going to understand that and not put me down because i don’t face enough discrimination from the outside world like others do. i am not straight.